All the other kids with the pumped up kicks

[warblainer]

Comments

[warblainer]

I'm gonna break my promise.

I love you. I love you so much.
I'm sorry again
I love you.

[kurtsy]

hey

we talked about this

[warblainer]

i know but I may not have a chance to say it again.

kurt

i'm scared

please tell me you love me, even if it's a lie

DONT CALL

[kurtsy]

You are being a tad dramatic... You're at Glee practice, right? What happened, did that Marley girl make you emotional with some ballad?

[kurtsy]

"I have to text my dad to tell him to stop watching that show with Blaine. He's making him more anxious. It's gentle musical time, clearly. How does he not recognise the signs?" Kurt talked as he got into the passenger seat and fastened the seatbelt.

He was dressed in black leggings, a skin-tight, long-sleeved blue shirt and sneakers. Practice outfit. He had been at dance practice when this had started and here he was now. Red-rimmed eyes and still in crisis mode.

"Thanks for picking me up. Finn, please tell me you have deodorant? Even whatever macho axe bodyspray you have would be useful at this junction."

[limawinner]

"Uhhh, I don't-- Oh. Wait." Finn undid his seatbelt and turned around so he could reach behind his seat and get his bag from the back. "I should have some in here, just look around and avoid the sandwich." It had been there for a while and he was too lazy to toss it but whenever he touched it, it was pretty gross.

Doing his seatbelt back up, he reversed from his spot and moved towards the gate, glad that Kurt had come because he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

"I knew the guy. One of the guys. It's crazy, he was on the football team. He seemed normal." He had no idea how to wrap his mind around that. Sure, he was a loser but he never wanted to take it out on others. "I'm glad no one died, it could have been worse."

[kurtsy]

"That's so weird." That Finn knew the guy, not that gross sandwich in his bag. Although that, yes, was also weird. Still, Kurt braved reaching past it and managed to put on the deodorant. Ah, yes. That was just what he wanted to smell like for a reunion with Blaine after months. Locker room.

"I mean, I kind of knew them both. But from the normal getting called names and being bullied stuff. I never talked to them." Normal, as Finn had said. "Do you know how Miss Beiste is doing?"

[boylikethat]

Your number is too easy to find.

Hi.

Is Blaine okay?

[kurtsy]

because it's on vogue.com, yes

who is asking?

[boylikethat]

I'm his boyfriend.

Did he not mention me?

[limawinner]

hey bro

it was good seeing you, even for bad reasons
I'll keep an eye on Blaine for you.
Promise.

I miss you a lot.

[kurtsy]

I miss you loads too

so busy now, I have to pick up extra shifts because those frequent flyer miles have run out for good

thanks... Blaine needs people

[limawinner]

Yeah. i mean, sometimes people get sad

it's good to have people to talk to.

like if you were sad and i would do that. talk, i mean.

i hope work isn't too much, man.

am i bothering you?

[limawinner]

hey,

you're good at math, right?

[kurtsy]

pretty good, yeah, music and math are linked

why?

[limawinner]

they are?!

uh

i don't like

get it

[kurtsy]

Finally, his dad had convinced Carole that it wouldn't help Finn if she starved herself entirely, so they were leaving for the hospital cafeteria.

"Give us a call the moment you hear anything, yeah?"

"Of course, dad." Kurt nodded, trying his best to seem strong for their parents. "I'm excellent at forwarding calls, I've got plenty of non-gainful employment experience with it."

Carole gave him a grateful look and took his hand for a moment and then they both walked through the door.

Kurt felt as if he was left alone, even though he was aware that Blaine was right next to him. He shuddered and sat back down, clutching his phone in his hand and staring ahead at nothing.

He was still dressed in the clothes he had worn when his dad had called him. Black slacks and an asymmetrical dark red jacket with leather detailing. It was not the right outfit for the occasion, not that he knew what would be. Something more cheerful, maybe. It was as if he was already dressed for a funeral. Maybe a funeral out of a Panic! At the Disco video, but a funeral nonetheless.

"I killed him," he heard himself saying, the sentence that had been on repeat in his head since the moment he had hung up on his dad.

[warblainer]

"What...?"

Blaine had no idea how to handle any of this. He didn't have any experience of death or anything like that, not with someone so young. The closest was thinking he'd die in the school a month back - not this. What Finn did, he couldn't even understand it, he couldn't wrap his head around it. Burt called him up and asked him to do it, to get Kurt from the airport. And he never thought he'd hear Burt sound like that.

"You didn't. Puck said he was just ... you didn't do anything." He moved closer and put a hand on Kurt's arm, trying to rub it reassuringly. He just wanted to hug him but he didn't know if that was helpful yet. He didn't want to upset Kurt.

Why would Finn do this? Try to kill himself? He seemed so happy. No, it couldn't be. "It was an accident, I'm sure."

[kurtsy]

"It wasn't an accident, Blaine. He left a letter. He actually sat down and wrote it. Finn hasn't written a word more than he had to ever since I've known him. Rachel got him a dream journal and he just stored his football cards between the pages." Because that was who Finn was. A dumb jock. The dumb jock. The beautiful and amazing person that had all those dreams and too many difficulties.

"I didn't do anything, you are right. He asked for my help and I did nothing. He--" Kurt fought against a sob and focused on his breathing. Tried to keep from crying. "I'm a self-involved, narcissistic, useless, callous wannabe diva and I've killed my brother. Just like I killed us."

He lifted a hand to cover his eyes, his breathing erratic as he started trembling from the effort not to sob. He had to be stronger than that, for their parents' sake.

[troutmouth]

"All right, just arrived at the hospital. Talk to you later, I'm about to have my hands full." With that, Kurt ended the call because he had to get out of the car and carry the plastic containers with food for Carole and his dad that he had prepared at home.

Sam was already seated at the desk in the classroom for the club gathering - one of the clubs that consisted of only Blaine and him - and waved him over. "Come on over, so we can get started. I've got quite the doozy of a conspiracy theory for you, really distract you from things."

[warblainer]

"No offence but there's no way you can distract me from this." Kurt was so upset and he kept spiralling every time he had a quiet moment. Blaine was just sick with Worry. Finn was responsive but not awake. They were hoping he woke up soon, if he didn't then he started entering the window for brain damage.

Blaine dropped into his seat and set his satchel down next to him. "I think maybe we should pause some clubs while I'm supporting Kurt... we may have gone overboard with the clubs." They did have a LOT of clubs.

[troutmouth]

"Fair. Gonna level with you, my man, I'm not even sure what club this meeting is supposed to be for." It was a shot in the dark, honestly, he just felt talking about Nessie could make anyone think of something else for a while. "Maybe we make it the official worry meeting. All we're gonna be doing anyway."

Still more cheerful than a Glee Club meeting right now. Last time they had all just sat there in uncomfortable silence for half an hour. Really made Sam realise how little he appreciated how the ceiling in the choir room looked. "Is there any news?"

[kurtsy]

Last night, Finn had grasped his hand. They had started taking turns. It was past midnight and Finn grasped his hand. Kurt had seen his eyes flutter and then he had awoken their parents with his excited yelling while getting on his knees by the bed, clasping Finn's hand with both of his. He wasn't religious but he'd almost felt like praying.

And then the nurses came, doctors. They had to stand back and eventually leave the room, nerved frayed. He had thought about texting Blaine but it felt wrong to show too much hope or too little. It wasn't until a few hours later that a doctor finally told them that Finn would be all right. He would be all right.

They had been allowed to hug him and wish him, by then, good morning, and then Finn had passed back out, having been pretty groggy the whole time anyway, and Kurt sent their parents home with instructions to shower, change and get some sleep in an actual bed.

Kurt stayed there himself, sitting next to Finn's bed and dealing with his mental exhaustion. He had his laptop with him and pretended that he could do anything productive when really, what he did, was have a document open where he kept typing sentences he erased again.

he's alive

I didn't kill him

I'll keep him safe

I love Finn

Finn Finn Finn

my brother's keeper

He kept glancing Finn's way, just to see whether his eyes would open again. It didn't feel real yet, that he hadn't lost him.

[limawinner]

Finn opened his eyes and the room was way too bright so he closed them again, just lying there with a pounding headache. He knew he was in hospital and he knew why but right now, it just didn't connect in his head. He didn't feel bad about it because he didn't really feel anything about it. Complicated feelings were not something he wanted.

He opened his eyes slowly this time and raised a hand, rubbing at them tiredly. He turned his head and saw Kurt was there. Typing. Studying? He had no idea.

"Where's mom?" Finn said, not worried, just confused. She had sworn she would not leave but maybe someone had talked her down.

[kurtsy]

"Well." Kurt closed his laptop and set it aside, crossing his legs and folding his hands. "Frankly, I told her that she smells." He had, which had been the thing to get through to her. He smiled a little, hopefully showing that he wasn't just a jerk. "My dad took her home so she would shower and get some proper sleep before she comes to see you again. Believe me, it wasn't easy."

Luckily she had been so exhausted by then that she didn't argue as much as she might have.

Kurt frowned and got up, picking up the gatorade on the bedside table and holding it for Finn with the straw. "You need to hydrate, big brother."