"Oh, sorry. I was so focused on the bathroom, I didn't get to the kitchen. I'm so tired, I'll do it tomorrow." Blaine promised, he had already handled the bathroom yesterday and that stole his entire evening so today, he just wanted a quiet night. Maybe watch some TV or read or whatever.
"I had a good day. Really busy but good. I had back to back lessons so it's my busiest day but it was nice. I got to sing a little too." Blaine laughed as he came over with a smile and looked at the groceries. "You did the shop? Cool. Did you get me any Oreos?"
"It's fine. I know you're not as bothered by this mess as most people would be, for whatever reason." He sounded judgemental but he wasn't sure how he could avoid that. At Blaine's question, he shook his head. "I didn't have the space for your junk food, sorry. I'm trying to focus on healthy calories."
He turned to look at Blaine, shaking his head a little in concern. "You do look tired. I don't know if those long days are good for you."
"Oh, yeah, no. Totally fine. Can I help put stuff away?" Blaine had slowly noticed that everything he used to have on the shopping list was slowly disappearing. It sucked, he hadn't had anything fun in ages, despite asking. He supposed it was probably for the best.
Blaine looked guiltily at the kitchen island and then back to Dallen. "I don't disagree. I can't manage both. Not like this, you know? I mean, I get it, you have a high standard and after work, when do I have the time?" He just wished that Dallen would just let it be sometimes. He was running around cleaning all the time and then the mess just moved from room to room.
"It'd just be nice to come home and have there be dinner ready in a place that isn't a total mess. Just once." Dallen sighed and shook his head. "I want things to be easier on you. I make more than enough money, there's no need for you to stress yourself out with a distracting job that doesn't even value you properly."
He finished sorting everything that needed to go into the fridge and then turned to look at Blaine again. "It'd be easier for you to just focus on the home."
"We discussed this before. I like my job, I like my colleagues. It's not about money." Music was his passion and he loved teaching music, he loved coaching the glee kids and having his lunch with Sam and Finn. It was good sometimes, to be away from Dallen. Which was a weird thought but lately, he seemed to enjoy being away from him more than with him.
"I think it would be better if you just kind of, you know, maybe, chilled a bit." Blaine said, his voice trailing off a bit as he looked away from Dallen, trying not to get too anxious. He hated having arguments. "I'm sorry I'm messy but I am working on it. I just sometimes want to ... not clean."
"If you ever kept things tidy, you'd not have to clean! Why do you always do that, huh? You turn things around on me and then I am the bad guy." Dallen scoffed, grabbing Blaine's shoulder and shaking him a little, to force him to focus on him. "I'm just trying to watch out for you. You are the one that's stressed, so I want you to be less stressed! That's normal. You just really love making yourself the victim."
He gripped him a little tighter. "No wonder Kurt dumped you. Needy and lazy."
Blaine winced at the tight grip and Dallen was yelling. He was always yelling lately. He cringed into himself a little and held up his hands to try and get Dallen off him. Why was he so hard to live with? What was wrong with him? He drove Kurt away, being impossible to live with, and he couldn't do it again. He couldn't lose Dallen too. Blaine swallowed hard and closed his eyes, fighting tears because he couldn't make himself a victim.
"Sorry. I, uh, I didn't know I was doing it again. I'm trying." He was really bad at this, dating and love. He managed to piss everyone off. "I don't know why I'm so bad at this. I'm really sorry, baby. You're not the bad guy. I am." And then he knew he was doing it again, grovelling, but whatever it took to make this easier. "I need you to help me."
"You really do, don't you? Come on then, before you cry again. Tears are blackmail, you know?" He rolled his eyes, but he did pull Blaine into a hug, softening a little. "You're not all bad. Just sometimes you have your moments. Such as every time we try to discuss anything like reasonable adults."
He hugged him tightly for a moment, then let go. "What are we having for dinner?"
"I can't help it, I'm a crier." Blaine laughed despite how much this all hurt and rested his head against Dallen's shoulder, enjoying the warmth of his body against his. For a moment, he could pretend he was loved. And then he let go and Blaine was back to where he was before everything got all built up.
"I was going to make pasta but I don't know if you want that. Just tell me what to do." That seemed safer than making any big decisions. Every decision he made seemed to make things worse. "You can sit down!"
"Pasta is fine. You always make that." So whatever, he could deal with it for another night. "Look, I'll sit somewhere that's not so messy, so just let me know when food is done, yeah?"
Dallen shrugged and started walking towards his study. "Did you leave your phone by the entrance? You didn't text much today, wondering what distracted you."
"I did! I was just trying to find some sheet music from my collection. I tided up already though so..." One good thing he'd done - not make a bigger mess. Blaine was not super imaginative with his cooking, not when he felt like this. He was tired, he was fed up and stressed. So his pasta was very simple. The sauce from from a jar but it was pretty okay, it was easier than making anything.
Hopefully Dallen didn't notice. He enjoyed the slightly quieter moment to swiftly clean a bit of the kitchen and do the dishwasher. "Should be ready in like two minutes, babe!"
"Wow, that was fast," Dallen complimented as he emerged from his study, setting Blaine's phone down by the kitchen island. He sat down, waiting to be served. "That Sam is so rude to you, I don't know why you let him get away with it. He doesn't have a monopoly on your time, he really has to learn about boundaries. Also he has to learn spelling, that was atrocious."
"Oh, it's not his fault, he's dyslexic. He struggles a bit with texting, he prefers calls." But Blaine couldn't call him so there in lied their current problem. Blaine added the tomato sauce to the pasta and slide a plate over to Dallen, taking his own and sitting opposite him at the table. "He isn't that rude to me and, like, you know - we never hang out any more."
And he really did miss him. "Maybe this Friday, I could hang out with him?"
"I'm not comfortable with you wanting so badly to spend time around someone you used to have a crush on. Which he brags about. I know you say he's straight, but it's still disrespectful. I think that's reasonable." Dallen frowned, eating some bites of pasta and then arching his eyebrow at the question. "I don't want you hanging out with him alone. I don't understand why you'd want to. It's weird anyway. You are gay, you shouldn't hang out alone with anyone but me."
"But I want to see my best friend. I'm not into him, he's basically all but married and I have you. Can't you trust me? It's a bit silly, Dallen, come on." He smiled, as if he could somehow talk Dallen around, but his stomach was sinking at how dismissive he was. "Besides, I work with him and it'd be weird to avoid him."
He looked at his phone, wanting to just take it from Dallen and hide it away. "Can I have my phone back now?"
"You work with him, exactly. So you see him every day. I'm tolerating that and I trust you to keep that professional. I just don't see why you need to also hang out alone. It's not as if you don't have a history." Dallen felt that was an obvious one. He glanced at the phone and frowned. "What do you need it for?"
"It's mine, I just want it." Blaine frowned, unsure what he was doing here that was unreasonable. He held his hand out pointedly, challenging, looking at Dallen as seriously as he could. "It's my phone and I want to see if I have any emails or anything. I want to talk to my friends. Dallen, come on, it's my phone." And he just wanted to know that Dallen could fucking trust him.
Dallen picked up the phone and unlocked it, frowning as he had a look at just what could have Blaine so antsy. Finally he handed it over to him, definitely watching to see what he'd do. "I think you care more about your friends than you care about this relationship. I hate feeling like an afterthought."
"You're never an afterthought. I think about you all day." Think. Worry. He didn't really think fondly of Dallen any more, he didn't get excited to come home, he just got scared. It always seemed to end badly, not matter what he did. They could be happy one moment and then it switched. He set his phone by himself and looked down at the uneaten pasta. He felt sick. "I love you more than anything and anyone. What... What do I have to do to prove that to you?"
"Nothing. I don't want to stress you out more by having basic expectations." Dallen rolled his eyes and then he reached out to put a hand on Blaine's wrist, close to his phone. "I don't want to hang out with anyone but you. I'd rather spend every evening with you in my arms and no one intruding. I don't get why you want to be away from me so badly. I guess I just love differently from you."
"No! I love you too, you're just - I want to be with you. I love when we're just us and..." He swallowed hard and he knew that this could go two ways: he argued for his friendships and they fought all night or he just appeased him in whatever way would make this just a bit easier. Would reduce the stress of Sam, the house, the food and everything else. "I mean, I'm sorry, I'm just so stressed and I'm not thinking right."
He bit his lower lip. "What if I reduce my hours, or pause them entirely, at work for a bit and we could focus on us? I just need you to know how much you matter to me."
"Maybe that's a good idea," Dallen agreed, apparently mollified by the suggestion. He pulled Blaine's hand closer and kissed it, then gave him a genuine smile. "I just always miss you when you are not around. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm number one in your heart all the time."
Even now he had said it, he instantly regretted it. He didn't want to call Mr Schue, he didn't want to lose hours, he didn't want to stop doing glee but he did just want things to be nice and easy. He wanted to be loved. "I love you so much, I'll do anything for you." Apparently.
"I love you too, Blaine," Dallen promised him, looking so very satisfied now. He kissed Blaine's cheek and then settled back down, so he could return to eating his pasta. "Maybe we can watch something together today. Even one of your weird choices."
"Maybe a musical." Blaine suggested, smiling despite the heavy weight in his chest. He was doing the right thing. He was making a relationship work. If only he could have done that with Kurt, then he would be so much happier right now.
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"I had a good day. Really busy but good. I had back to back lessons so it's my busiest day but it was nice. I got to sing a little too." Blaine laughed as he came over with a smile and looked at the groceries. "You did the shop? Cool. Did you get me any Oreos?"
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He turned to look at Blaine, shaking his head a little in concern. "You do look tired. I don't know if those long days are good for you."
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Blaine looked guiltily at the kitchen island and then back to Dallen. "I don't disagree. I can't manage both. Not like this, you know? I mean, I get it, you have a high standard and after work, when do I have the time?" He just wished that Dallen would just let it be sometimes. He was running around cleaning all the time and then the mess just moved from room to room.
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He finished sorting everything that needed to go into the fridge and then turned to look at Blaine again. "It'd be easier for you to just focus on the home."
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"I think it would be better if you just kind of, you know, maybe, chilled a bit." Blaine said, his voice trailing off a bit as he looked away from Dallen, trying not to get too anxious. He hated having arguments. "I'm sorry I'm messy but I am working on it. I just sometimes want to ... not clean."
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He gripped him a little tighter. "No wonder Kurt dumped you. Needy and lazy."
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"Sorry. I, uh, I didn't know I was doing it again. I'm trying." He was really bad at this, dating and love. He managed to piss everyone off. "I don't know why I'm so bad at this. I'm really sorry, baby. You're not the bad guy. I am." And then he knew he was doing it again, grovelling, but whatever it took to make this easier. "I need you to help me."
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He hugged him tightly for a moment, then let go. "What are we having for dinner?"
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"I was going to make pasta but I don't know if you want that. Just tell me what to do." That seemed safer than making any big decisions. Every decision he made seemed to make things worse. "You can sit down!"
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Dallen shrugged and started walking towards his study. "Did you leave your phone by the entrance? You didn't text much today, wondering what distracted you."
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Hopefully Dallen didn't notice. He enjoyed the slightly quieter moment to swiftly clean a bit of the kitchen and do the dishwasher. "Should be ready in like two minutes, babe!"
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And he really did miss him. "Maybe this Friday, I could hang out with him?"
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He looked at his phone, wanting to just take it from Dallen and hide it away. "Can I have my phone back now?"
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He bit his lower lip. "What if I reduce my hours, or pause them entirely, at work for a bit and we could focus on us? I just need you to know how much you matter to me."
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Even now he had said it, he instantly regretted it. He didn't want to call Mr Schue, he didn't want to lose hours, he didn't want to stop doing glee but he did just want things to be nice and easy. He wanted to be loved. "I love you so much, I'll do anything for you." Apparently.
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