choirroom | I am in misery

"I did! I was just trying to find some sheet music from my collection. I tided up already though so..." One good thing he'd done - not make a bigger mess. Blaine was not super imaginative with his cooking, not when he felt like this. He was tired, he was fed up and stressed. So his pasta was very simple. The sauce from from a jar but it was pretty okay, it was easier than making anything.

Hopefully Dallen didn't notice. He enjoyed the slightly quieter moment to swiftly clean a bit of the kitchen and do the dishwasher. "Should be ready in like two minutes, babe!"

"Wow, that was fast," Dallen complimented as he emerged from his study, setting Blaine's phone down by the kitchen island. He sat down, waiting to be served. "That Sam is so rude to you, I don't know why you let him get away with it. He doesn't have a monopoly on your time, he really has to learn about boundaries. Also he has to learn spelling, that was atrocious."

"Oh, it's not his fault, he's dyslexic. He struggles a bit with texting, he prefers calls." But Blaine couldn't call him so there in lied their current problem. Blaine added the tomato sauce to the pasta and slide a plate over to Dallen, taking his own and sitting opposite him at the table. "He isn't that rude to me and, like, you know - we never hang out any more."

And he really did miss him. "Maybe this Friday, I could hang out with him?"

"I'm not comfortable with you wanting so badly to spend time around someone you used to have a crush on. Which he brags about. I know you say he's straight, but it's still disrespectful. I think that's reasonable." Dallen frowned, eating some bites of pasta and then arching his eyebrow at the question. "I don't want you hanging out with him alone. I don't understand why you'd want to. It's weird anyway. You are gay, you shouldn't hang out alone with anyone but me."

"But I want to see my best friend. I'm not into him, he's basically all but married and I have you. Can't you trust me? It's a bit silly, Dallen, come on." He smiled, as if he could somehow talk Dallen around, but his stomach was sinking at how dismissive he was. "Besides, I work with him and it'd be weird to avoid him."

He looked at his phone, wanting to just take it from Dallen and hide it away. "Can I have my phone back now?"

"You work with him, exactly. So you see him every day. I'm tolerating that and I trust you to keep that professional. I just don't see why you need to also hang out alone. It's not as if you don't have a history." Dallen felt that was an obvious one. He glanced at the phone and frowned. "What do you need it for?"

"It's mine, I just want it." Blaine frowned, unsure what he was doing here that was unreasonable. He held his hand out pointedly, challenging, looking at Dallen as seriously as he could. "It's my phone and I want to see if I have any emails or anything. I want to talk to my friends. Dallen, come on, it's my phone." And he just wanted to know that Dallen could fucking trust him.

Dallen picked up the phone and unlocked it, frowning as he had a look at just what could have Blaine so antsy. Finally he handed it over to him, definitely watching to see what he'd do. "I think you care more about your friends than you care about this relationship. I hate feeling like an afterthought."

"You're never an afterthought. I think about you all day." Think. Worry. He didn't really think fondly of Dallen any more, he didn't get excited to come home, he just got scared. It always seemed to end badly, not matter what he did. They could be happy one moment and then it switched. He set his phone by himself and looked down at the uneaten pasta. He felt sick. "I love you more than anything and anyone. What... What do I have to do to prove that to you?"

"Nothing. I don't want to stress you out more by having basic expectations." Dallen rolled his eyes and then he reached out to put a hand on Blaine's wrist, close to his phone. "I don't want to hang out with anyone but you. I'd rather spend every evening with you in my arms and no one intruding. I don't get why you want to be away from me so badly. I guess I just love differently from you."

"No! I love you too, you're just - I want to be with you. I love when we're just us and..." He swallowed hard and he knew that this could go two ways: he argued for his friendships and they fought all night or he just appeased him in whatever way would make this just a bit easier. Would reduce the stress of Sam, the house, the food and everything else. "I mean, I'm sorry, I'm just so stressed and I'm not thinking right."

He bit his lower lip. "What if I reduce my hours, or pause them entirely, at work for a bit and we could focus on us? I just need you to know how much you matter to me."

"Maybe that's a good idea," Dallen agreed, apparently mollified by the suggestion. He pulled Blaine's hand closer and kissed it, then gave him a genuine smile. "I just always miss you when you are not around. I don't want to have to worry about whether I'm number one in your heart all the time."

"You're always number one."

Even now he had said it, he instantly regretted it. He didn't want to call Mr Schue, he didn't want to lose hours, he didn't want to stop doing glee but he did just want things to be nice and easy. He wanted to be loved. "I love you so much, I'll do anything for you." Apparently.

"I love you too, Blaine," Dallen promised him, looking so very satisfied now. He kissed Blaine's cheek and then settled back down, so he could return to eating his pasta. "Maybe we can watch something together today. Even one of your weird choices."

"Maybe a musical." Blaine suggested, smiling despite the heavy weight in his chest. He was doing the right thing. He was making a relationship work. If only he could have done that with Kurt, then he would be so much happier right now.

I am in misery

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